i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
