Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
