How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I want to fling myself into the sun
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
