Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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