He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
