life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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