So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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