does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
