DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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