their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
