So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
