i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
