when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
