Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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