when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
