i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I am one with the molecules
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
