I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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