Soap is not a condiment
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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