I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
