Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
