someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
