Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
