why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
