they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
