JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Barsexuality is the new black.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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