U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
