return my video game
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
