I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
