I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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