do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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