Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
