woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
