I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
