im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
