Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
