remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
