whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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