David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
