her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
