this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
