i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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