Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
