Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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