Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
