Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
