you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
