hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
