don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
