Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
