Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
