Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
In other news, I just burned my penis
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
